Welcome to Earth, Taj William, Friday, July 23, 2010 at 12:50 pm at Best Start Birth Center

Birth Story
(click on the image above for video footage of the birth)

     Our due date was Tuesday, July 20th. By that day, nothing had changed, I felt no different, no contractions, nothing. So when we were invited by our friend Willow and my sister to the preview night of Comicon the next night, I jumped right on it. I thought all of that walking would bring the baby right on down. People thought I was crazy walking, or should I say waddling around there a day after my due date. Just as I thought, by the end of that night, and nearly six laps across the length of the convention center, the baby's head felt like a bowling ball between my legs. Progress had been made.

     The next morning, Thursday July 22nd, I woke up with a feeling that "today was the day." I felt an urge to get up and repetitively walk up the steep hill by our house. I thought, "I'll walk the baby out!" By the time Drew got home from work I still had a ton of energy. We decided to walk to Trader Joe's to get something to make for dinner. I have to say, Drew was somewhat weary. He couldn't believe I had been walking up that hill all day, and that I still wanted to walk more, but he conceded. So we walked, and the entire time I kept getting these interesting sensations; little fluttery surges of energy. They were nothing consistent, or even painful, but I wondered out loud, "if these feelings get stronger will they be contractions?" The whole time we were in the store we were joking with our friends who work there that we might be going into labor. On the walk home I started getting curiouser. I would stop walking every few minutes and focus on this strange feeling that would last maybe only 45 seconds. Drew asked me if it hurt. I said, "Not at all, but something is definitely going on in there." :D

     We got home, made dinner, and sat there watching a movie. Drew noticed that during the movie I started picking up my cell phone to look at the time. He began questioning me. I told him something might be happening but I wasn't sure. It wasn't consistent or very intense. I could see the glimmer of excitement brewing in Drew's eyes, but he remained calm and we finished watching the movie. Ten o'clock rolled around and there was definitely some kind of rhythm happening with these sensations. They were a bit stronger but I still felt no discomfort. I decided I needed to take a shower before bed. I wanted to be ready. When I laid down to sleep, I realized the surges were getting more intense. I rolled over to Drew and I told him that I did not think I would be able to sleep through these feelings after all. I was now confident it was starting.

     We brought the birthing ball upstairs and I was able to work through the rushes on my own for and hour or more before I decided I must call Stephanie, my doula and good friend. She arrived over an hour later. I remember things were getting to the point where I was asking Drew, "what's taking her so long?!" I felt very comforted when she finally arrived. She heated up the flax seed, herbal pillow I made and pressed it onto my lower black during the rushes. At some point I had the urge to go to the bathroom several times. We finally called the Midwife, Britta, who asked me if I could handle laboring at home a while longer. I lasted another couple hours before we opted to meet her at the Birthing Center.

     At Best Start, they will not admit you until you are six centimeters dilated. This requirement is to maximize the laboring woman's time at home, in her own comfortable setting, and to prevent her from getting ahead of herself and stalling out. The center does not want you there for hours on end if you are not progressing. So we arrived to the Birth Center at 3am on Friday, July 23rd. Britta checked me and I was only three centimeters. Luckily, I guess she could tell I was progressing, she let us get set up in our room and labor on our own without getting admitted. She went to rest in another room, gave us our space, and only came in to check me every now and again. I progressed about one centimeter and hour. I labored on the birthing ball, in the shower, on the toilet, on all fours. I walked, swayed, and danced with Drew. By 6am I was 6 cm dilated and ready to be admitted.

     Once I was admitted, Britta led me straight to the birthing tub. Although the warm water felt nice on my body, the tub was too shallow and I was unable to get in a comfortable position. I did not want to float horizontal in the tub and that is what was happening. I wanted a deeper pool so I could kneel against the side; something to consider for next time. The warm water happened to slow down my contractions a great deal, so the midwife highly recommended I get out of the water. At this point, everything was very hard for me. Moving to a new location seemed like such a chore. I remember saying, "Change is hard." During each contraction I absolutely needed someone to press really hard on my lower back/sacrum area. I did not yell, but if Stephanie or Drew were not pressing hard enough I would definitely let them know. After each contraction I would apologize for being too needy, too loud or too demanding of them. Britta kept saying that I was the sweetest laboring woman she ever remembered meeting.

     After the tub I got into the shower again, and then tried side-lying on the bed. By 8:30 there was a shift change with the midwives and Susan took over for Britta. I was sad to see Britta go, she was so sweet and comforting, but Susan had a very calm way about her that eased the transition. At about 9:15 I felt a gush of fluid, we thought my water had broken, but more came later. Apparently only one of the membranes had broken the first time. I stood up for a while to let gravity do its thing and by 10am I was having my bloody show. We were getting close. After rocking on the ball for a bit, I decided it was a good idea to take Susan's suggestion and walk down and back up the stairs. Interesting idea. I had a burst of energy and just went for it. By the time I reached the bottom of the staircase I was having another contraction. I collapsed and had a really hard time making it back up the stairs, moaning and feeling like I was leaking out all over the place. I headed from there, straight to the toilet. It was just after 11am and I finally started feeling pressure and the pushing began. Wow. I pushed from 11:15am until my son was born at 12:50pm. It was intense. To me, it was the contractions or surges during this time that hurt the most, not the opening up. By this point it was Friday and I hadn't slept since I woke up Thursday morning. The surges were so strong, it took every ounce of energy I had left to push through them. I was very vocal throughout my contractions, grunting deeply like a mama bear. I kept saying, "I can't." Susan, Drew and Stephanie kept saying, "You are!" What an amazing birthing team I had. They were so encouraging, positive and calm; especially Drew. I leaned so much on him during the birthing process. He was my rock and I couldn't have done it as gracefully without him.

     My parents, sister Kelly, and Drew's sister Mary, were all in the family room since the early morning. I had seen a few glimpses of them here and there. I knew they really wanted to be in the room and be a part of everything. A part of me wanted them in there too, but there was no way I could even fathom any more energy circulating in that room. In a way I had tunnel vision, was very focused, and couldn't handle distractions of any kind. Even another loving presence would have been too much, but I was comforted just knowing they were out there hearing it all. During the final surges, my parents, Kelly and Mary all snuck into the adjoining hallway to witness the final birth of Taj William.

     During most of the pushing Susan had me lying on the bed. I disliked it but could not speak up. Apparently, as I discovered after the birth, Taj's cord was around his neck and his heart rate was dropping dramatically. Susan did an amazing job of keeping it cool and I had no idea at all that she was concerned. She later told me she could not hear the baby's heart rate while I was standing up and that is why she had me on the bed. She spoke so softly and would encouragingly tell me how good I was doing. She kept saying, "You're very close, we see his head and you can push him out with the next contraction." It got to the point where I didn't believe her and I told her so. She asked if I wanted to touch his head but I couldn't muster the energy to do so. I had to focus and get this baby out now. During these last pushes I kept making the sound, "fffffffffffff." Stephanie told me to just say it already, but for some reason I could not get any curse words to pass my lips. With my last contraction, the hardest push I could garner, and a little help from Susan I yelled, "ffffffffuuuudgemeisterrrrrrr!" And with that, my son was born. :)

     Drew stayed by my side the entire time, caressing me and sending me his calm, grounded energy. At the end I felt him wavering with emotion as his eyes were welling up with tears. He felt this was a very spiritual experience. Susan asked if he wanted to catch the baby but he said he wanted to wait and see Taj for the first time with me. Susan caught Taj and placed him immediately on my chest. He took to the breast almost immediately. She wrapped him in a blanket and put a hat on his tiny head. My family joined me and my birthing team and we reveled in the joy of this beautiful being. We all sang him "Happy Birthday" and then we played the songs "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon and "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes. It was the most beautiful, meaningful moment of my life. At this point, Susan, Ashley, another midwife, and Delilah, their assistant who both came in during the final pushing all left the room for a good hour. During the labor I drank coconut water, Emergen-C with honey, and had a few popsicles to help keep my energy up, but at this point I was famished. My family brought us some Thai food, photos were snapped and the moment shared and cherished. When Delilah returned, she did all the tests, weighing and measuring, and then she, along with everyone else, left us alone. Drew, Taj and I were left to nap together as a family. We slept soundly for about four hours and were then released. We were home by 6pm.

     I won't lie, birthing my son was the most challenging experience I have ever had, and the most amazing. But Susan said that throughout the labor my heart rate never accelerated above 80bpm. During the height of my contractions I remember saying things like, "Why would anyone ever do this?!" and "I am NEVER doing this again!" I felt EVERYTHING. I kept reminding myself, "by this time tomorrow I will have my baby in my arms and this part will be all over." I continued focusing on the fact that each intense surge was bringing my baby closer to me. It worked because, by the next day I was thinking that Taj might need a baby sister in a couple years! :) I am so grateful that both my dear friend Stephanie and my Pops got some good footage and pics of the labor and delivery for us to look back on. Click on the following links to view some of the photos and video clips from Taj's Birthday.

 7-23-2010 Labor & Delivery Pics

Taj's First Diaper 

Cleaning Baby Up 

Our Precious Taji Boy 

Mother Blessing/Baby Shower

Mother Blessing/Baby Shower Pics (click on photo above). On Sunday, May 16th, my Auntie Mare and cousin Maureen hosted a lovely celebration in Alpine. My Mom and other Aunties helped with the brunch. It was an extremely special event shared with friends and family. My friend Caroline lead a beautiful Mother Blessing ceremony, with my friend Glen and sister Kelly facilitating the creation of my Birthing Necklace, and the talented Mama Christy serenading us all. What an unforgettable moment!

Aloha Hawaii

I started feeling back on track with my pregnancy at nearly 22 weeks. I was back at work, but not for long. So much happened in a week's time. It's amazing how quickly prayers can be answered when something is meant to be. A week prior I was at my wit's end about what to do when the baby comes, being so far from home and family support, how would I finish school, go back to work, how could we raise our family never knowing when Drew would be home from his abusive job? Not wanting to pay a stranger to raise our child, and not having the money to do so anyways, all I could do was pray for some kind of change to occur. Then, out of the blue, the very next day, Drew was informed of an incredible job opportunity back in San Diego. They asked for his resume that day and he was presented with the job offer that Wednesday. The catch, they needed him to start by the end of the month and they needed his answer by the end of the week. Well, let me say, we never even dreamed it possible to move back. I mean, we missed life in San Diego, and with Drew's crazy work schedule if you could call it that, we never even got the opportunity to enjoy Hawaii. We would day dream about what we would be doing if we were in San Diego, but having bought our home, and having great insurance and an amazing midwife in place, it just didn't seem like moving was in the cards for us. But all of the sudden this job offer was presented out of the blue, and we had two days to decide what to do about it. Long story short, Drew accepted their offer and everything literally fell into place ever since. I was able to change our plane tickets without too much hassle, we had already been planning a trip for the first week of May. I found someone to buy my car, I found an incredible deal to ship our household goods and Drew's truck, our house was packed, yard work was done, two week notices were given, and I even lined up a birth center in Hillcrest where I would eventually give birth.

 So, Drew and I flew in late on March 26th, and stayed with my folks until we got on our feet and found an awesome townhouse in North Park to rent. We moved in on May 15th and began preparing for the arrival of our son. This whole past year has felt like kismet. And it just goes to show that everything works out for your greatest and highest good as long as you put faith and energy into that belief. Thank You God!! 

 Our New Place

Dermoid Cyst

The soul arrival was approaching, and it was like I was starting to sense it. I was feeling more and more flutters in my belly, and when I meditated I was feeling more of a connection to the precious baby boy. I was so excited.
The week, however, suddenly took an interesting turn of events. We were not able to participate in our own soul celebration the way we had initially intended. There would be no floating in the ocean. I had been scheduled Tuesday, February 23rd, for abdominal surgery to remove a growing softball sized cyst from my right ovary. I was in the hospital for a couple days, and welcomed our baby boy's soul from my hospital room. I had a reputable OB surgeon, Dr. Moore, and very diligent and thoughtful anesthesiologists. The hospital staff and Drew took great care of us. North Hawaii Community Hospital is amazing! They gave me a guided imagery CD to help with relaxation before, during and after surgery. They also sent in a Healing Touch/ Reiki Master to come in and do some energy work with me before surgery. With her she brought a gift for me; a prayer blanket. People in the community donate their time to make homemade blankets which they have blessed at their church. They are brought into the hospital and blessed in the chapel by the Healing Touch specialist, Ariela, and gifted to patients. Mine is beautiful, blue with butterflies, and smells of lavender. I have since wrapped our beautiful baby in it.
On one hand, they were not able to save my ovary, but the good news is my reproductive organs should still function perfectly. Plus, Dr. Moore, with the help of the general surgeon, Dr. Park, was able to remove the cyst through laproscopic surgery, which is just a few holes compared to the huge incision they were planning on making. Everyone was amazed because the cyst ended up being 14 cm, huge! If you are interested, this type of cyst is incredibly interesting and rare, you should look it up. My OR nurse, Debbie, had only seen them three times in her entire career, and mine was the craziest she'd ever seen. It was covered with tons of hair. Sometimes they even have teeth and skin and sweat glands. Check it out! Weird, huh? And believe it or not, it all turned out so well that I was only out of work for a week. I will admit the fear that surrounded the idea of going into this surgery while pregnant, but with faith and an immense amount of love and support from all of our loved ones, I felt much more positive and at peace. I find it so incredible that the surgery just so happened to take place the day before my son's soul was to arrive into his little body. I prayed he would be safe and protected in his cozy, little home, and that he would have no soul memory of the trauma of surgery. I feel so grateful for this experience!

A Soul Arrives

I read this book, "Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful" by Gurmukh. It is a book on Kundalini Yoga, meditation, and exercise for pregnant women. I have been involved with this style of yoga for at least eight years, and it's teachings really resonate with me. The book shares a very ancient tradition, celebrated during pregnancy on the 120th day after conception, to honor the soul who arrives on that day. It is believed that up until this time, the fetus that supports the soul has not yet been completely fortified, and that before this date, the entering soul is still "unaffected by worldly influences, existing only in radiance." The book also states that when the soul does enter the body, "a baby's subconscious mind begins to develop and absorb a multitude of messages" like a dry sponge. It is important, therefore, for the mother to be really clear, happy and healthy.
So the celebration takes place, on this 120th day after conception, usually organized by the father of the arriving soul, friends and family members of the mother. They make yummy foods, and decorate with flowers and candles. "They bring together members of the community, who bring gifts to honor the mother. Everyone prays for her physical, mental, and spiritual well-being so she is strong and able to pass those qualities through herself to the baby." Singing, poetry and scriptures can be shared, whatever they feel the mother would love.
Since I was so far away from most of my loved ones, Drew came up with the idea to welcome in the soul of our child by going to one of our favorite ocean spots and floating in the water, saying prayers and connecting with our baby, the Creator, and the mother ocean. I also felt inspired to reach out to many of our friends and family. If any of them felt compelled to participate in this celebration, I invited them on and around February 24th, to share any prayers, songs, poems, scriptures, words of wisdom, or artistic creations of any kind that they'd like to dedicate to this special time. I figured we could connect through email, video chat, telephone or snail mail.
My prayer was for the strength and spirit to be the best possible vessel for this new soul to enter the world, a happy and healthy pregnancy, an increased connection with Drew and our baby, the ability to continue building compassion and prosperity and to facilitate a happy, healthy and holy life for our child.

We're Pregnant!

We found out we were pregnant on November 14, 2009, my sister's birthday. Lulu had come for a visit while we were living in Hawaii, and we were spending the night on the Kona-side. While Drew was working late, I took Lulu to the Kona Brewing Company. That night I noticed I didn't really feel like drinking and I wasn't sure why. When Drew finally got off of work around midnight, we still had an hour and a half drive ahead of us across the saddle. The entire time I was driving, Lulu and Drew were drinking a gallon of beer she brought back from the brewery. They were being very loud, chatting it up and laughing, and being all around obnoxious if you asked me. I realize now, that it was just me, and they were not being any louder or obnoxious than usual. :) The conversation turned to why I hadn't felt like drinking that night, and how I happened to be a week late starting my moon. I usually was pretty right on schedule, and Drew insisted we stop at the grocery store on the way home to pick up a pregnancy test. So they sat, at 2 in the morning, while I peed on a stick in the bathroom. The directions said that after peeing on the stick I should wait five minutes for it to change color. One line would appear if I was not pregnant and two if I was. The funny part of the story is that the stick began to change color the moment I started peeing on it. I exclaimed, "Why is it turning color so fast? I thought it was supposed to take five minutes!" I remember hearing Lulu's unforgettable laughter as Drew burst into the bathroom wearing the hugest grin. Unfortunately, due to my outburst, Lulu was the only one to see Drew's initial reaction to the news, although his excitement was written all over his face the minute I saw him. I must admit here, I had a feeling all along that I was pregnant, and Drew and I both have a clear and fond memory of the day of conception. :)